Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
