if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
