Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
