I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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