Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
