I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love having hate sex.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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