why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
