can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
