I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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