omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
