Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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