She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
40s are totally the cure
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
