I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
