so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
