You smell like a Billy Joel song
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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