her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
