i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
