if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
