I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
