i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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