hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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