yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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