Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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