He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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