Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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