There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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