Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
