I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
