My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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