She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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