I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
