wanna go halves on a baby?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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