went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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