DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
