You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
