Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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