Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
