you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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