I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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