i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
