You smell like stripper and shame
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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