I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize