I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
