No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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