You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Vodka?
Forever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
