Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
