State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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