Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
