There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
