who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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