The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
