the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just had sex on a roof
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
