Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
